Growing Into the Woman I Used to Imagine

A child so young, so hurt, so isolated, yet with dreams bigger than herself. She tells herself while watching TV, “One day, that’ll be me,” or, “I hope I can do great things one day.”

In October 2013, this young girl watched a woman named Elizabeth Smart on CNN, who had become known not only as an amazing survivor of something horrible, but as someone who chose to use that darkness for good and inspire others through what she had experienced. The young girl was in complete awe of Smart and the way she was able to face her demons while still shining like a diamond in dark water.

From that day on, this young girl told herself, “If I survive this, maybe one day I can be like her.”

That young girl was me.

After more than ten miserable years of my own experiences, I am now an adult and a mother. When I look back at that little girl, I realize I am slowly growing into the woman I used to imagine.

I have goals of becoming an advocate and public speaker while also going to school to become a sexual violence prevention educator. These are the kinds of roles I imagined for the women I wanted, and desperately needed, when I was younger.

There are so many young boys and girls in this world who are victims and struggle to believe that everything will eventually be alright. They may feel isolated, alone, and forgotten, as if the title of “victim” has somehow ruined them forever. They may feel as though nobody can save them, and sometimes the people they see on a television screen may be their only glimpse of hope or inspiration.

But you still have time to become the person you deeply needed as a child. You can become the person who would have been gentle with you, who would have shown you kindness, and who would have held your hand through your darkest moments.

You have talents, beauty, and colors to add to this amazing painting we call society and the world. You have your own unique colors, mindset, motivations, goals, and beauty that cannot be defined by your past.

Your inner child can still be cared for. They can still be given a gentle hug and held for as long as they need.

Many victims never receive that gentle touch or kindness. Some are never told that they are capable of doing amazing things. That is why I believe so deeply that even the darkest things we endure can someday be transformed into something meaningful. Something beautiful can still grow from a place that once caused us so much pain.

When I saw Elizabeth Smart on that television screen, I remember the way she carried herself. She seemed composed, brave, and strong. She may never have known how many children, teenagers, and adults were watching her and quietly thinking, “Maybe I can survive too.”

Maybe some of them were realizing that they could one day become the person they had so desperately needed.

I hope that one day, you reach a point in your life where you can look at yourself and finally see that your unique colors are beautiful and deserve to be added to this world.

Like a butterfly, you have wings that deserve the chance to open. Growth may take time, and learning to believe in yourself may be one of the hardest parts.

But one day, when you finally begin to fly, you may look back at everything you survived, everything you became, and everything still waiting ahead of you.

And maybe, for the first time, you’ll be able to say:

“I’m growing into the woman I used to imagine.”